Orsam Books

Special Announcement

I received a surprise telephone call from Lord Orsam this afternoon (12th July).  After a few minutes of confusion in which his Lordship didn't seem to know who I was, despite him calling me, that was all sorted out and I've faithfully transcribed the rest of the conversation below so you can hear the special announcement direct from Lord Orsam's mouth, as it were:

DB: So now you know who I am, why are you calling me Lord Orsam?

LO: I have a very special announcement which I want you to add to that website thingy of yours.

DB: Oh right, fantastic, what is it Lord Orsam?

LO: I've proved that the Diary is a fake.

DB: Oh, but I thought you'd already done that.

LO: Well I've done it again.

DB: You mean -

LO: Yes, I've found ANOTHER mistake in the text which proves it to be a forgery.

DB: Another anachronism?

LO: No, no, this is an actual error.  A mistake which James Maybrick wouldn't have made.

DB: Are you serious?!!

LO: I'm always serious.

DB: Of course you are. But, I mean, won't they come up with a feeble excuse to explain it?

LO: They might try, of course, but I don't think they'll be able to on this occasion.

DB: Are you quite sure of all this, Lord Orsam?  Really, there can be no mistake?

LO: Oh, I'm absolutely certain.

DB: Because - 

LO: But actually, no, but yes, there IS a mistake!

DB: You mean in the Diary?

LO: Yes, very good, you understand me. 

DB: But literally hundreds of people have crawled all over the Diary during the past 28 years.  How can you have found a glaring error that they've all missed?

LO: I really don't know.

DB: But didn't they recently find a murder in Manchester which proves the Diary to be genuine?

LO: Ha ha!

DB: Hee hee!

LO: You're joking right?

DB: Of course I am.

LO: They really are a bunch of clowns.  

DB: They don't like it when you say that, Lord Orsam.

LO: Don't they? I had no idea.

DB: Can I ask when you made this discovery?

LO: Yesterday, as it happens.

DB: Oh right, as recently as that. Wow!  But, I mean, can you be certain it will hold up to scrutiny?

LO: Look Barry, I can tell you-

DB: It's David, Lord Orsam.

LO: What?

DB: It's David, as I said earlier.

LO: Okay, look David, or whatever your name is -

DB: David.

LO: Okay. Let me tell you, this is absolutely cast iron.  I've found a mistake made by the forger and I know exactly why he made it.

DB: Or she.

LO: Yes, yes, or she, if you must. 

DB: So are you going to be revealing this error in the next update on Orsam Day, this coming weekend, your Lordship?

LO: No, I think not.  There's already way too much amazing content in the next update.  It might get lost. And they can wait a bit.  It'll build up the tension.  I think we'll do a special update soon after Orsam Day.   

DB: Oh, how exciting.  A sort of mini Orsam Day! 

LO: Yes, but you can make a special announcement of the discovery now.  Don't put it on the News page yet though. Let them find it, then you can mention it in the next update, in case they miss it.

DB: Will do. Can you tell me, in complete confidence, what the mistake is your Lordship?

LO: No, you'll have to wait like everyone else.

DB: Oh, how frustrating.

LO: What did you say?

DB: I said that's absolutely fine Lord Orsam, I don't question any of your decisions.

LO: Good. I'll send it to you on the morning of the day for you to type up and upload it to that website thingy of yours.

DB: Tell me something please Lord Orsam, did you think of sending this major discovery to Ripperologist rather than publishing it on the website?

LO: Yes, I did actually, and I think it would have made a nice little article, but I see that Jonathan Menges is 'the editor at large' of that publication, whatever that means, and he's recently made a ridiculous ruling which prohibits anyone from quoting me on his silly online Forum so, if he's not interested in hearing what I have to say, I won't be sending it there.

DB: Oh dear, that's a shame.  Of course, I know you discuss that Menges ruling in the next 'Lord Orsam Says..'.

LO: Yes, and in any case, I think I owe it to our loyal readers to give them the Exclusive on this site rather than make them wait for the next Rip.

DB: That's very thoughtful of you, Lord Orsam.

LO: It's the kind of person I am. 

DB: Do you have anything else to tell me?

LO: No that's it, you can get back to work now.

DB: It's Sunday, Lord Orsam.

LO: I know. 

DB: Well, thank you Lord Orsam, it's always a pleasure and indeed a thrill to speak to you.

LO: I know it is Andrew, goodbye.

DB: It's David.  Lord Orsam, it's David, and before you go can I just ask you about a pay rise, Lord Orsam, hello? Are you there?

*dialling tone*

DB: Ah, he's gone.